Its a cold world and shit aint cool.

i was on the news once. i gave an interview about juveniles on the street w/weapons. i had a screwdriver that i used to use to break into stuff.

i didnt want to do the interview but my heroin influenced friend talked me into it.

so, while im explaining with gestures and such what i would do with this screwdriver if someone ever tried to rob me, i look over the newsladys shoulder and see my 2 heroin taking buddies entering into said newsladys car.

they rummage around, and then jump back into their stolen car and speed off with a skid.

i giggle, mid interview. she doesnt know why.

15 minutes later, while me and some friends are walking back to mine, we get pulled up by police and the newslady. she explains that she just wants her bag back and that we could keep the 4 phones and 200 bucks she had in there. keep in mind that its 1996/1997. she even offers 250 bucks reward money and gives us a number to call.

i get home, grab 40 cents, walk to the phone box and start looking for my thief of a friend via a phone call to his home. no answer.

i walk back home and on the way, he drives past in the same stolen car. i yell out to him to stop. he does. i ask about the bag and demand he give it to me so i can get the reward money.

he shatters my poor, broke as a knock knock joke world by saying that he threw it out while going 100 on the freeway.

damn. 1 week later i watch us all give interviews on channel 7 news. sorry susannah carr. you should of offered us money.

i should write more of my criminal anecdotes here. im pretty sure this shit is out of reach of the long arm of the law due to statute of limitations or something.

once... when i was selling... ummm... lets just call it speed.... my old aboriginal neighbour was a customer. he was a father of 3 kids. him n his wife lived in a government housing joint that was identical to my place next door.

anyway, i sold to him on saturday morning. 2 packets of vroooom. early that afternoon, some friends came around coz i was always generous with the green smoking stuff and the brown liquor, and we sat around all afternoon making deals and getting slowly shitfaced.

then come 6pm, we get a mad frantic barrage of knocks at the front door. it was the neighbours wife. she was clutching her arm and acting like she was set on fire. then, everything kind of slowed down and i could make out what she was yelling....

"my husband just shot me.... the kids are still in the house.... call the police."

now, we were a business. this was bad for business. she knew this. but we had to. so, the police were called.

i was living on a main arterial road at the time. police immediately shut the road off and rerouted traffic around. that was 1 less thing to worry about. didnt want customers showing up to be greeted by tactical response groups.

then some detectives informed us that they were evacuating the area and we needed to be gone. they also needed our permission to use our house for monitoring. we had to agree. signed shit, and snipers briskly walk into our abode.

another constable at the door motions us out in a 'get in the chopper' kind of way. he didnt look up at our faces. this same constable used to raid us at another address we had earlier in the year. he was a real cunt. raiding everyday on a 30 day warrant type shit. we got him demoted from detective to constable because we were too smart to be caught. harrassment charges were threatened.

anyways, so while this cunt of a cop isnt looking, im running out of the front door, holding my nutsack coz thats where ive got an ounce n a bit of speed.

neighbour continues to hold his kids "hostage" in a siege like scenario. news vans are everywhere. its the #1 story on the news that night. i call my moms and stay with her and my sister who was visiting from the usa at the time. the next morning, i get a call saying that he gave himself up at 5am that morning (i guess he was coming down or something)....so i get ready and head back to my spot.

i get there, and sure enough, as soon as crime scene investigators are done with whatever they were doing, the police reopen the road and customers begin flowing back into my driveway.

later that week, i talked with the niece of my old neighbour. she said that apparently, the bass of my subwoofer playing the nas - it was written album drove him crazy.... well, that and the drugs. guilt was instantly induced.

but yeah... that was another anecdote. i have forklifts more.


Its a cold word and shit aint cool. Dont snowflake out.